He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
