So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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