1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
