Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
