Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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