She is in my trunk
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
