Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
