she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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