I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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