you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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