Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
