omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
