im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
