dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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