thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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