I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
