last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
