Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
