you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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