All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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