so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
