My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
