I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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