Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
