why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
