God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
