I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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