No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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