why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
