at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
