i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
