Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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