His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
