woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
