I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
