Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
