I haven't been this sober since birth.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
