you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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