is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
