the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
