so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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