Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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