My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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