Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
