I got chris browned last night
i would punch a child for taco bell
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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