i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
