Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
