told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
