i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
