I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it hurts more in the daytime
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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