dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
