the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
