I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
